A Diary from 2016: Time I Hate that B*tch

            This morning I woke up with a pounding pressure to be alert and attentive to the streets of Brooklyn very early. Recently I’ve added this pressure on myself to somewhat be a real “adult” because to be completely upfront guys, I LOVE sleeping in but I also beat myself up about it. When you live in a city that moves quicker than you can change your panties you tend to lose hours which seriously feels like mere seconds. I’ve been telling my boyfriend that I feel like time is fleeting from me and that I’m always on a constant chase to catch up to it and gain some time back. This feeling is brutal man, I feel like my head is cloudy and I hate that zone. To be honest, I’m just horrible at time management but I really have been working hard at being more efficient with my days and although I’ve seen some improvement in my schedule I still struggle at checking off my To Do List.  I thought for awhile that this whole not enough hours in the day thing was just the slow pace Californian in me or just a mere disrespect for time (Side Note: I hate the concept of time and being shackled to a time frame) but that idea changed during my Uber Pool ride from Brooklyn. I shared a ride with two men who were chefs in the city; they were discussing an exotic Asian cuisine menu that they were going to be serving at a private dinner in China Town.

             The moment I got in the car I was flustered and annoyed that I was running late and on top of that now I had to share a car with two men who wouldn’t stop talking about amazing ingredients and dishes while I was fucking starving. When I realized it was going to take me over half an hour to get from Brooklyn into the city in the mist of rush hour I couldn’t help but exude frustration which I’m pretty sure vibrated through my energy. One of the guys broke the tension by presenting a photo to me of the dessert they were going to serve later. The conversation quickly led to how they were two hours late and how it’s habitual for one of them to live in his own world when it came to time, something I’m familiar with.  We bonded over our passion for food and our hatred of time. It made me feel a sense of relief, like thank God I’m not the only human being in this world who can’t (doesn’t want to) get with the program we’re all subjected to. Now, calm down those of you who are getting fussy in your sits about my hatred of time and how you might find it to be a basic necessity in our world or more or less society? Some of you probably think I’m just part of a generation that is entitled and/or lazy, which can be true, but let’s think about it, no other animal has a sense of time, we’re the only species that has created a box to put ourselves in and frankly I hate that shit! I hate focusing on my hours, I wake up at 6 and I’m already worried about my 12p.m. meeting and I have 6 hours to spare! I find myself trying to beat deadlines constantly and that can be quite frustrating.

            Simply put, time overwhelms me! I understand it facilitates the process of a structured society but I really can’t deal with it. I’m just too much of a free-spirited individual to give up my natural right of no physical time! The other day Adam told me that I have something unique behind my eyes, as if I don’t see the world the same as many others. Curious by his sentimental statement I asked him what he meant by that. He ensued to share with me that he felt as if I didn’t allow the daily burden of life obstacles to sway my vision like many others fall victim to. I guess he was right, I do live in my own whelm and create my own world and most importantly my own story. I refuse to allow society to run my existence and with that I reject time, a life limiting human designed perception that we’re restricted to and this my friends is probably why I battle with the concept of TIME. I just can’t seem to accept it nor live by it; I always want to do my own thing, live in my own time. Meeting my Uber poolers reminded me that I’m only human and that most people, not just me, hate the existence of that little irking ticker we call, time.

I'm just venting...

Xx,

MellBell